I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. My palms are sweating. It takes everything in me not to walk out the door. I take a deep breath and send up a little prayer. “Lord please let me know someone.” I swallow hard and take a step forward while scanning the crowd. Trying to act confident. Trying to stay calm. I finally found a familiar friendly face. Someone who was also looking for a seat. As I breathed a sigh of relief I still felt this feeling. I couldn’t help it. It has always been a part of me.
I didn’t like it but I didn’t know how I could change it. I am an introvert, I don’t like crowds, conflicts, or confrontation. My family always jokes that I am prepared for anything. Which is their nice way of saying my mind always goes right to the worst imaginable scenario and I worry too much. Worry has just been a part of me. Not just the big things like am I making the right choice, what do people think, what if I’m not a good mom. I mean I’m sure that a good mom wouldn’t lose her cool after an hour of trying to convince her 2 year old to go to sleep, right? But also in the little things, why are we always late? I have to get supper done, laundry done. I didn’t get anything done that I should have. I had an anxious heart. Just thinking about it made me anxious.
God needed to get a hold of me. I needed to listen. Everywhere I looked I saw articles and heard sermons on worry, my devotionals were on quieting an anxious heart, and friends began sending me random articles on the topic. For the first time ever I was beginning to understand, I needed to let go of things. I had to really trust God.
Prayer has been my strongest weapon. As soon as that feeling creeps up or I notice my mind start concocting stories in my mind of the worst case scenario, I pray. I ask God to stop it and remove it. If it is a situation that needs dealt with, I ask God to give me what I need to deal with it. Whether it be words, courage to do something, or the ability to bite my tongue and let things happen how He wills it.
Scripture is also a powerful tool and whether or not you’re great at memorizing or if you just read parts and hide it in your heart God can use it.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6
Breathe. Sometimes I just need to breathe. As a mom with littles I don’t always get the chance. Just finding 10 min of quiet a day can help calm the most frayed nerves. If that means I have to turn on the TV or enforce a quiet time then that’s what happens. At first I felt a little guilty but the truth is I am able to recharge and be a much better mama then if I don’t. Overall everyone benefits.
Finally realizing that whatever it is I’m going through, God’s got this. Do I trust him? Do I really trust He can handle this. Me worrying about things or imagining the worse possible scenario will not change the outcome.I will always be more introverted and not like large crowds. Meeting new people will probably always seem slightly awkward. It is a daily battle of flesh vs spirit. My mind doesn’t always think I can get through or handle certain situations but my heart knows God can get me through.
*I just want to note that anxiety can be a medical condition and you should always seek medical attention if necessary.