“Mawage. Mawage is wot brings us togeder today. Mawage, that blessed awangement, that dream wifin a dream….”
“And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva….”
The Impressive Clergyman, The Princess Bride (1987)
One of the greatest movies of all time (in my opinion) depicts such a heroic pursuit of tru wuv. I really think there should be a sequel about Westley and Buttercup raising a family. Now there’s another great opportunity for some heroism! As I eluded to in another post, K & S Sittin’ in a Tree, marriage is a lot different when a baby comes along.
It’s much harder.
It’s more confusing.
It’s more frustrating.
And it can be one of the most exciting adventures, ever!
My Hero and I have been married for 6 and a half years, parents for almost 2 of those years, and he will readily admit that the most difficult time in our marriage was the first few months after our son was born.
Communication is different.
Expectations are different.
I let my new identity as a mother overcome my other roles, even that of being My Hero’s bride.
And he suffered. Quietly. Patiently. And I hurt. Clueless as to how I could be everything for everybody.
But one of the most amazing answers to our prayers last year was going to the Love and Respect conference together…….twice!
I went into the conferences ready to learn applicable solutions to what both of us could do to fix our struggles. But what I actually came out with was something more powerful: a new perspective.
Dr. Emerson used Scripture, research, and personal insight to give me a better understanding of my husband and of myself. As a man, My Hero is going to perceive things differently than me, communicate things differently than me, and altogether have different needs to feel loved and respected. It was also enlightening to listen, and begin to understand why I do certain things and feel certain ways. It was like a light was turned on. And we could see each other and our marriage, a little more clearly in this new arena of parenthood.
It’s not that all of our misunderstandings have suddenly disappeared. Daily, we have to trust the Lord to guide us to a place of understanding as we humble ourselves. But contrary to what I expected to learn as a solution, we didn’t need steps 1, 2, and 3 of what to do. What we needed was a new perspective, of ourselves, and of each other.
Now, standing on the edge of becoming parents to another precious baby, we are speculating on ways that we can make our marriage a priority through one child’s infancy and another child’s toddlerhood.
While somedays I wish there was a formula or checklist of actions to do to reach this goal, I believe that it’s this new perspective of myself and of my husband that will lead to a strong marriage through the adventures of parenting. As we understand each others’ deepest needs, the actions will fall into place.
I don’t expect that we’ll ever have it all figured out.
It’s a journey.
It’s an adventure.
Together, My Hero and I are learning to understand each other more and love each other more deeply.
joy: ”So tweasure your wuv.” (The Princess Bride, 1987)